more grey than golden from my bedroom window; no climbing to start my day; and a flurry of late emails to put more on my plate than previously expected — fall is, undeniably, here.
my summer was beautiful. i programmed to my heart’s content at the recurse-center; climbed — often with matt, cody & nataly; worked late-night & early morning shifts at the itp fabrication & electronics shop; hacked around on some electronic-curiosities (bantam mill pcb milling & shop nametag); biked; sun-bathed; and worked on my thesis.
as cody said today: “you’re as ready as you’ll ever be”. these are a few things i walk with, as i enter second-year.
the pressure to make something outwardly interesting or fashionably exceptional has reduced; simply because i have been around so many talented people over the last year; seen so many projects; made so many projects; presented so many projects. the burden to make something that cements my position in the united-states has vanished. there is more merit in slowly chipping away at the things that you're deeply interested in, instead of attempting one-big-something.
i’ve realized that i'm not exceptional — and that has been relieving to accept. at recurse-center, i met brilliant people — the kind that the world terms ‘gifted’. nikolai summed it up well: “there was just something different in their wiring”. i now know that there is no way that i can match up to that. that’s just how it is: people have their gifts — i have mine too; just not ones that i wished i had. and that’s okay — i shall capitalize on the ones i do.
i was so competitive last year — like an inhibitor implanted in my brain that prevented me from being open to the brilliance around me. this perhaps manifested in ego; definitely unwanted anxiety; and a public-image that i may not be approachable. i don’t want to be that this year.
360 ima kids, 200 itp kids, 16 research-residents. every single year. all making stuff out of one floor. think about the world, and you get thousands more. of course, some people get to exhibit somewhere. of course, some get to work with that famous professor. of course, some stay in the united-states, and some go back to their home-countries. gosh, i don’t want to spend my life racing them.
i think there is more merit in reveling in the beauty of what you're a part of — a floor with 576 people who dedicatedly make things. hell: you’re the audience. you’re also the supporter; the therapist; the critiquer; the pusher; the helper; the take-a-moment-to-marvel-er; the stranger who walks by and says “that’s cool” (rel: making others feel seen).
i just want to live the dream. rel: it’s about more than making money.
thanks to: matt, cody, nataly, sophia for the frequent climbing; folks at the recurse center; fabrication & electronics shop-staff; all the summer-course(s)-people i got to interact with; christina tran for making this blog (and, therefore, me) feel seen; ryan & gwen for thesis brainstorming with gwen & ryan; marlon for putting up with my 2608-mapping; prisha for the camera help.