sometimes, i see all of you.
jolly times, collectives smiles and unending gossip.
i've observed, listened and craved,
for a while now.

sitting at the corner table,
invisible.
walking by the group photos,
excluded.
watching you leave with each other,
isolated.
overhearing your conversations,
voiceless.
comparing your life with mine,
empty.

i've seen what this college looks like
way into the night,
as all of you rush into your merry homes, while i turn off the lights.
funnily enough,
nights are when it becomes easy,
as i'm not on the outside anymore
because the inside collapses within me.

i wondered,
talked,
questioned,
tried,
and failed.
nothing ever worked,
and not knowing the reason behind my inevitable fate,
became unbearable.
so, i packed my bags,
and shifted cities;
it's been four months since.

days are easier,
nights get tougher.
as the internet mocks me,
with updates from your space.
it's just like before,
and nothing really changed.

i sit here,
miles away,
and i watch you,
hear you,
and desire what you have.
but you render my virtual presence invisible,
as if i'm not even there.

the morning light hits,
and i type away on my computer,
hoping that, someday, i'll be:

sitting at the center table,
visible.
walking into group photos,
included.
leaving with everyone,
together.
hearing your conversations,
vocal.
comparing your life to mine,
fulfilled.