i have grown up, now, to treat my practice with discipline and patience. to fight off dangerous feelings of unrealised ambition and ineptitude, i wrote myself this reminder:

i permit myself to come in today,
and make something hideous.

something worthless, repulsive or downright ugly.

and i promise to show up again tomorrow,
and day-after-tomorrow,
and day-after-day-after-tomorrow;
until the genius has nowhere else to go.

inspired by:

1. conversation with shaunaq about 'showing up without expectations' and 'how unfortunate it would be if someone gave up right when they were sitting on the precipice of something amazing'.
2. shobhan's timely recommendation of elizabeth gilbert's talk.
3. conversation with pratyush about 'greatness'.
4. the experience of participating in the b-side residency, where everyone was a far more mature artist than me.