when many voices collide — mine & others’ — it is helpful to dump things down, and cull out what is important. that’s a brainwrite.
the thesis.
is the thesis as important as i make it to be? is it this big thing? ==reminded of pedro’s: “it’s not the last thing you’ll make in the world” comment.==
nikolai asks me to follow what about the enquiry seems interesting. tanika & him voice the same opinion: lean into the things that you know you do well. don't let go.
am i good enough to sustain a long enquiry? or am i better suited to prototype and move fast?
i need to change my approach.
nikolai asks me about what a successful thesis is: is it when it feels right? is there an objective metric?
i keep going back to targeting other perceptual modalities. that’s when it feels the most interesting — that’s where it’s unique. but i’m scared; so scared.
wrote to lauren race.
nikolai asks me where i want to go after this? is a ph.d. really what i want to do? can i operate in a studio? i wonder if i must dream high or dream achievable.
i look at light in front of me — it seems like bubbles forming. this has been happening lately — alternative display (possibilities) are all around me — everything can be thought of as cells & neighbors.
==nikolai suggests taking a step back. i wonder about diving in.==
i empathize with gabriel’s mentioning of the fact that there are too many things; the general lack of quietness to think; to do. perhaps the solution is to make less.
i guess it would make sense to articulate what i’m looking for. and for me to stay true to that enquiry — like nasif said.
i feel like a baby. i know better. i’ve done this; i’ve led projects; i’ve taught this. i find myself in the same traps i've advised against. only now i know how difficult it is to see it yourself.
==tanika reminds me that it’s just been a month.==
nikolai asks me to write to electrowetting experts. wrote to manaswi at the media lab. wrote to another person that shobhan had recommended. no one from nyu has responded yet.
need to rewrite thesis proposal.
perhaps take nikolai’s advice and do some more research. also nasif’s advice.