people walk on; one shiny thing to the next. months of hard-work to produce ~300 moments of temporary joy. pieces to think; pieces to wonder; pieces of play — all jammed 3-feet away from each other.
an interactive-projects showcase — for what, i wonder.
i meet a few people. they stop; they wonder. they see the breadth of my work, and get impressed. yeseul says i always make thoughtful work.
i wonder what other kind exists; and if it does, why does the program allow it (thereby refraining from educating us)?
a ‘crazy’ person shouts on the subway. he tells us that we’re asleep, because we’re injected with a vaccine; a classic anti-vaxxer — the kind you find many of in the u.s. — filled to the brim with dozes of tik-tok-news.
do i feel like that? i’ve been called an ‘old-soul’, an ‘anomaly’, ‘prolific’, ‘gifted’, ‘stuck’, ‘too idealistic’; ‘purist’ scoffed at pursuing purity; compared to people who were reluctant towards printing presses (equivalent of a.i. now).
i'm not going to change the world. it is beyond that now — you have to fight for attention; be glamorous; be flashy; not deviate from the norm too much. have instagaram followers; be loud. make a.i. write all your code; make a.i. write all your writing; let a.i. fix everything. have your content under 30 seconds; make your thing big; don’t put a deep message; don’t make people think; don’t make them ask; don’t speak; let them have fun; let it be a temporary spectacle; make sure it’s instagrammable.
met amitabh-aarthi.
all this work — 300 projects or so — all down the dustbin; two glorious nights; a handful of pictures to live over the internet.
just another case in point for what i want to do in my thesis.
makes me wonder what the point of all this work is. is it indulgent — we do it because we like doing it? is it to open doors — we make flashy things so we can get the next job, make money, et-cetera. is it to get famous?
gosh, i’m one of them. my attention is bought; i’ve forgotten to see. i’ve become numb. i need to be like mimi.
i need to preserve parts of me that make me human; that make me an artist; that make me able to feel, articulate, express. it is okay if i get left behind in the race.
stop chasing this validation. you don’t need others to make you feel like your life is worth living; your work is worth producing; and your thoughts are worth sharing. people see the goodness — you know it; don't forget it.