and when you least expect it, it hits you.
this all-encompassing cavity in your chest; electricity through your brain; confusion all-around; and worthlessness lurking in the corner.
i rush back home at 2130 in the night. i lose hair as i run my hand through them. i tear a big piece of paper and write words. nothing visible is meaningful. everything i generate is crap.
i think about the people who perceive me, and wonder how much they see through me. have they figured out the act that i put on, do they see through my ruse; do they see that behind my prompt answers, i know nothing at all?
i think about all the people who do their assignments on time. i wonder if i’m the anomaly that cannot keep up.
i think about the unsaid dismissals i received today — if i’m saying bullshit, why wouldn’t anyone call me out? and if i’m not, why wouldn’t someone contribute to the growth of my thought?
i feel the veins in my head throbbing; struggling to keep up with the demands that are placed. i’ve lived 24 years, and 24 eventful ones; yet, i sit here today knowing absolutely nothing at all.
i’m a confused 24 year old boy; nothing much has changed since i was 15.
it’s all a bit much, and i don’t feel like i’ve taken a breath since september 2nd. fuck arjun, it’s only been a month. you have 596 more days, and awaiting you is an uncertain future.